Sunday, January 01, 2006
January 2006 posts from livejournal
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still here
Posted on 2006.01.03 at 21:13
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Stayin' Alive, The Bee Gees
yes - it is true - I am still here. I am torn because I have so much to say and so little time in which to say it.
We are pretty much unpacked in the new house & it is fabulous and a LOT of work. It has been raining non stop since the day we moved in - mudslides and downed trees and no power and crazy wet. Mold started growing on the curtains a few days after we moved in - from a completely clean wall! Crazy - but super exciting. Dani & I absolutely LOVE being in Felton and you can't stop Parker from singing - he is so happy. He tries to mope every now and then but he forgets because he loves his room and his loft and his clubhouse and his fort. We have had many children over to play and Parker is happy to be host in such cool surroundings.
We've had many guests visiting from out of town as well as Pk's guests (who manage to also spend the night)- one after another come the friends and family - and sometimes overlapping. Like the new house, fabulous and a LOT of energy.
With my studio set up as of yesterday, I am VERY excited to be quilting again. I am actually able to have the pieces of JJ's quilt up on the design board instead of in boxes with a design in my head. Of course, being able to actually SEE the pieces has changed the design dramatically. But it's all VERY exciting and, yes, a LOT of time is taken doing it.
All this is to say that it's not that I am not well that I am not writing. It is that I am so well that I am pulled to do so many things. I feel a pressure to get as much as possible done before I can't - or in case I can't - or, well - you know what I mean.
With the school play and two weeks of fun fun fun vacation under our belts, it is on to the Science Fair project - which looks like it will follow Parker's inate love of pyrotechnics. What will fire burn? This is the deep scientific question we will be delving into. Hmmm.
I am loving the chemo break - and now that the mouth lesions are FINALLY receeding (yes - it has been a cuisinart holiday season - thank goodness for mushed food) I look forward to some real kissing and dark chocolate and garlic! Not all at the same time!
IVIG is this week - and I bet I will feel good enough to quilt at the same time I am getting my infusion! Hooray!
Take care one and all and thanks for checking in,
Love, V
The Neighbor's Laundry 1
Posted private on 2006.01.17 at 21:48
Current Music: Troubled Fields, Nanci Griffith
Going back in time - we see our neighbors in the year 2004 - just after Doris' friends scraped together money to pay for her half of mediation so that she and Garth could work things out officially after their recent split after 14 years together. Although the state law would normally entitle Doris to alimony (given their financial relationship over the years and the considerable joint debt that was in her name alone), Garth found a clear loophole. But child support could not be avoided. Both Doris and Garth wanted to stay out of the family court system. After quite a few phone calls and emails, the meeting was finally set up.
dear doris,
i have not yet recieved any numbers from your lawyer regarding child
support. as a result, i am not willing to meet with the mediator to
discuss the settlement for child support at this time.
if you have a figure in mind, i am happy to consider such an amount,
but i
am not willing to be "suprized" during mediation. at this point i
believe
the meeting should be cancelled or postponed until you tell me what
amount
you expect and i have time to reflect and consider my own expenses as
well
as yours. this will allow me an opportunity to be clear, responsible,
and
realisitic about what is right for oscar.
I have been clear about what i can/am willing to pay beyond what i am
already paying in health and dental insurance. (for both you and
oscar).
I am not inflexible and i am certainly willing to discuss child
support-
but only after having an opportunity for reflection.
i will cancel the meeting with the mediator set for this coming
thursday
if i do not hear from you by 10am on wednesday.
A copy of this email is being sent to my colleague who
attended our first meeting.
respectfully, garth
Doris explained, by telephone, that she did not personally have a figure that she felt was fair. She explained that there is a formula by which the state figures out child support based on both parent's incomes and necessary expenditures. Because Garth had not provided his part of this information in a timely manner, the lawyer had to delay the computation but promised to have the figures at the time of the mediation and that was all she could do. Doris reminded Garth that this issue would not go away and that they would be better off to deal with it out of court in a friendly manner.
Tune in to see what happened next...
Frustrated
Posted private on 2006.01.24 at 19:08
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Prince of Darkness, Indigo Girls
This is so frustrating. I am not sure why some of you can view everything with no problem and some of you can't. It probably has to do with whether you sign on to my page from your own page and if you have me listed as your friend.
I am going to have to do something different - obviously.
The whole reason I went into the private thing was because I just don't want my writing questioned by Paul or used against me in any way. I just want to be able to write - with the same amount of respect, introspection, rage and compassion that I usually have.
When he was at a gathering of mutual friends, someone - or maybe more than one person? -said that they were surprised to see Pk with him and they were surprised that he was involved at all - physically or financially - with Pk because of what I wrote on livejournal. I know what I wrote on LJ & I know that I wrote facts: he agreed to 1/2 custody and then backed away to 1/4 custody and then moved out of the state and across the country; He agreed to pay an amount that is something like a third of what the state says he should pay but now with his job situation, he can't even do a third of that. He talks to Pk once a week or so. He sends some money. He sees Pk every few months for a few days. He has his reasons and I'm sure he would try to blame me for them.
But it isn't what I wrote and how it was misinterpretted to mean that he had no contact whatsoever that is frightening to me. It's that he said that the only reason that he wan't fighting for custody was because of my health. I don't know what the hell that means since I had to f---ing badger him to take Pk at all. He can't even take him during school holidays and vacations. He can't even get Pk's homework done when they do spend time together. Not once has Pk come back from his house with everything in order. How the hell am I supposed to think that he would fight for 100% custody? But that's what he said and I just don't want a fight. I want to be civil and share custody. I want Pk to get to have a normal life and still be able to see his other parent. There is no winner takes all.
So that's why I kind of freaked out. I don't want LJ to be used against me - or against Pk. I know I really should not live in fear of Paul. It's an old habit that I have not been able to fully break myself of. So there you have it.
Health - they can't get the IVIG (again) - I am developing a strange rash on my arms and legs that will get me to see the dematologist who ultimately saved my life with the diagnosis of PNP way back when. And this cold that I got from Pk is wicked bad. It hurts so bad to breathe. My muscles are thrashed from coughing deeply. I end up puking and that isn't fun either. I was doing OK but then Po came to visit from Indiana and I don't regret one moment of it - but I kind of pushed myself and now I am definately paying for it. But geez - she and her mother were F-U-N to hang with. A true pleasure.
Brk is in Thailand and having a great time scootering and treking with friends new and old. She is seeing much of the countryside and learning a lot.
Pk is developing a traveling yardsale that we have dubbed P-Bay. He tries to sell random things that he has no use for anymore. I was upset to see his Red Sox hat in the pile. But hey - I understand. It's hard to be loyal when cash is at hand. Johnny Damon sure is a good role model.
Dani is meeting lots of Buddists and a good number of them lesbians too! She had dinner with her mother and is at a meeting right now. I am very glad that she has a chance to chant with people and that there is an active Buddist community here.
I don't know if I'll keep doing LJ or if I'll switch to the new website (www.alotoflove.com) or if I'll just give up writing online altogether. I'll keep you posted.
Whippets
Posted on 2006.01.27 at 10:09
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Who Let the Dogs Out?
Oh my goodness. After spending a week dog-sitting Amica's Whippet brother Benjamin, I find this link (sent by Benjamin's dads) hysterical.
http://www.cafepress.com/dogs_of_war/374826
Obey the Whippet!
They are such gentle dogs, whippets. But they are demanding for sure.
So I am hacking away and coughing up gunk and trying to rest as much as possible. I think an x-ray might be in order and maybe some antibiotics. But Mary the nurse is on her way to give me IVIG (yeah! They found it!) so I don't want to mess that up. Maybe I can go to the hospital after I get IVIG. ? We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm going to do some art and some laundry and some paperwork while I'm hooked up to the pump for hours.
When Pk gets home, he's got a playdate here with his friends Css and Asr. They play together so well - discussing the merits of elf wings and debating the existence of dragons. They are physical and imaginative - a joy to behold.
This weekend we'll be working on class valentines and his science project about what happens when things burn. Also we'll focus on writing haiku poetry for his big new assignment of writing a poetry book with ten kinds of poetry to be bound and illustrated. And you should hear him play the recorder! I know I'm his mother and it's my job to brag - but really - it's so impressive to hear him play the notes so well when he used to be so negative and hopeless about it. By being the mean Mama and insisting that he practice, he now has the confidence to make up his own songs as well as learn notes written in the book. I LOVE to watch him learn! And don't even get me started on how exciting it is to help him memorize times tables! Once he gets into something, he just gets it. It's VERY cool.
I think I should take this moment to express my deep gratitude for the blessing of a small, art-oriented school. There just are not too many small public schools that have so much autonomy. And his teacher is the best I have ever met. I am so incredibly grateful for her. This is her last year teaching - and more's the pity! Next year, we may switch back to homeschooling. Pk likes the kids in the homeschool program (which is directly attached to the public school - they share the same facility and resources but are on site only 2 out of 5 school days.) More will be revealed.
OK - time to get to that laundry!
Happy New Year House Tour
Posted on 2006.01.31 at 10:11
Current Mood: Domestic Bliss
Current Music: I Got the Sun in the Morning, Bernadette Peters
Obviously, it’s been way too long since I’ve written. It’s before dawn. Dani just left for work, as is her custom on Monday mornings, in the dark. Tonight she will stay in Berkeley with her friends Pete and Hap and their dog, Benjamin who is Amica’s brother (Amica is Dani’s dog.) This week marks their third birthday.
The way the schedule now goes, Dani will return home on Tuesday after work (in the dark) and will probably work from home on Wednesday, drive to and from SF on Thursday and then work from home on Friday. The commute, if she can get up at 5 AM and leave the office early to avoid the worst traffic is an hour and 15-30 minutes one way.
She always said that she wouldn’t mind moving from the city, she wouldn’t mind the long commute, if she had a nice home to come home to. And I think we have managed it.
I will first say that our beautiful home is haunted. We have named the ghost, in both her ethereal and physical forms, Harriet. She means well. She really loves this old house which is planted on a lush green hill nestled in giant redwoods the size of high rises. The redwoods around here are mostly second growth but there are still a few that are one and two thousand years old. They can get larger than the statue of liberty. It is nothing if not humbling.
The house itself is blue grey, with a large lawned front yard surrounded by a sweet white fence, complete with picket gates, one of which now sports a heart shaped basket to welcome people. In the middle of the yard is a tall camellia tree that is currently in bloom with large pink flowers. Normally, camellias are bushes but someone must have pruned this very carefully to get it to such a height. It’s magnificent. On the sides of the lawn are cala lilies, day lilies and a tulip tree (currently bare of leaves but buds promise that it will be spectacular in the spring.) The bird feeder in this tree has seen sparrows, finches, red headed woodpeckers, stellar blue jays, yellow grosbeak and doves. There are other birds that I haven’t yet been able to identify. Parker is studying ornithology at school and has the birding book there.
The sloped lawn leads up a set of four stone stairs set into the stone retaining wall. Along the wall are pots with soil in them, waiting for flowers. My guess is that there are gophers aplenty here and most flowers would get eaten if put in the ground. The last tenants took most of their plants but left some sweet snap dragons in a planter and a small, graceful fusia tree that is nested in a moss-covered rock garden just above the retaining wall. To that garden, I have added my heart shaped rock collection and Dani put her little garden salamander and lizard and frog.
Above the retaining wall (which is only five feet tall or so) is the front deck where not much is taking place right now. There are our outdoor plants, Parker’s bikes, and a few plants in the ground. It’s been much too rainy and wet and cold to do anything creative outdoors – not that we’ve had time! The average rainfall here is 50 inches a year but this year it could be closer to 100 since we’ve had over 30 inches so far and it’s not nearly done raining. This is mudslide time and 100 feet of one of the main highways leading to our house from Santa Cruz washed away down the side of the mountain in the last storm. It’s enough to make one want to stay indoors!
And if you walk up to our front porch (which is large enough to hold a large wooden kitchen table and someday some outdoor chairs and a couple of potted palm trees), you would get to the front door to lead you inside. The door is wooden with inset panels and a brass knocker and a pentacle made from woven wheat. Sure, it announces this as a pagan home to the letter carrier, but it makes me smile every time I come home.
We enter into the heart of our home, the living room. It is simple and has lots of floor space for Parker and Dani and Amica to roll around on. Rather than rolling on the carpeted floor, I usually prefer to sit on the couches (both of which fold out for guests – hint, hint) or in my mother’s oak Mission-era rocking chair. Either way, there is a nice open space feeling in there. Two walls have large, multi-paneled picture windows that look out onto the yard, the road and the giant redwoods and pines. On one wall is my colorful crazy quilt titled “In Retrospect” which is set in black velvet and is very warm. Book cases line most of the other wall spaces except for our altars.
Dani’s altar is a simple Japanese setting with an orchid, a shallow platter of rotating fresh fruit, a black incense bowl and a small bowl of water that is refreshed daily. Her gohanzan is a wooden cabinet (very simple, elegant design) that houses a special Japanese scroll, presented to her after twenty years of chanting. It is set high above the floor on a golden orange cloth and there is lots of white wall space behind it. On a little wooden table in front of the alter are her prayer beads and incense, her Tibetan singing bowl and her chime from Dubai given to her by my father. On the floor in front of the alter is a prayer rug brought by my father from Turkey and a prayer bench bought by my parents long, long ago from the last of the New England Shakers.
Dani has such a gift for aesthetics. She loves the beauty of a zen sand garden and the space that means just as much, if not more, than any object. She inspires me. And it feels good for me, with the Christmas decorations put away, to have a very sparse winter solstice altar. My altar is on the mantle of the fireplace. Right now there are evergreen branches along the mantle with an oil lamp and a mirror in the center. There are little suns hanging in different places, but not many of them – just touches of gold. In the actual fireplace, there are mirrors, crystals and candles – many many candles. The fireplace hasn’t been inspected or used since the earthquake (when anyone around here says the earthquake, they mean the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake that is often remembered by others as the San Francisco / World Series earthquake.) A chimney sweep is coming today to inspect it so maybe we’ll have a real fire in it soon! Very exciting! I love that there is a wide raised hearth in front of the fireplace where we can sit and there is room for our drums and my witch broom and our cast iron cauldron and steam dragon.
Leaving the living room, we enter the bright sunny yellow kitchen where Dani’s 1960s chrome and formica dinette set perfectly matches the color of the cabinets!! My antique baker’s rack hold plants and platters and adds the warmth of wood. There are tons of white tiled counter spaces and much cabinet space for our small collection of ceramic bowls (it helps to have a sister who is a potter!) There are two big windows looking down onto the front porch and front yard. We have original paintings, a lively dreamscape acrylic by Dani and two theatrical set watercolors by me plus a brightly colored landscape of an Italian villa on the Mediterranean from Dani’s last apartment. It’s very cheerful in our kitchen where music is usually playing from my iPod hooked up to tiny speakers. We have all the modern kitchen amenities but can’t turn on more than one of them at a time due to Harriet (the ghost – remember her?) who, in her ethereal form, messes with the ancient electrical circuitry all the time. She forces us to be very aware of the electricity that we use which is fine.
The bedrooms are both off of the kitchen. Parker’s room is an eight year old’s dream room (minus the plasma wide screen TV and X-Box 360 which he can just dream on about!) It has plenty of carpeted floor space to practice Aikido moves and dance moves and wrestling moves. It has a comfy double bed, and a reading nook nested underneath a tall loft. The carpeted loft is covered with animal skins (the collection now includes a fox, a sheep, a deer, a fawn, a dog, an old sealskin coat plus the 14 foot boa skin on the wall.) The loft is also home to a family of stuffed animals who are often ammunition for beanie baby wars with friends. There are also a collection of warm quilts and pillows up there where he can snuggle up on Movie day, watching dvds on the 15 inch television (the only tv in the house although it has no reception for any television network.) He has tiered drawers along one of the long sides of his room (which is something like 10 feet by 18 feet) that organize all his toys and doubles as a set of stairs to a clubhouse on the opposite side of the room as the loft. The clubhouse is a ginormouse storage space (where we have nothing to store) with sliding wooden doors. Two children fit in there easily to play. It is decorated by a very large bear head (in the taxidermy style but of manmade materials) and was obviously used by children of the past as evidence was found in the form of taped-up poetry and messages and graffiti inside the clubhouse, Parker’s walls are home to his pennant collection, his bookcases are home to his collection of his grandfather’s world travel momentos and he has two windows that have a view of the back retaining wall (made of moss-covered stones) and of the backyard. His closet (under the clubhouse) is way bigger than any of us need and is used to hold sporting and camping goods along with clothes and shoes and everyone’s coats. Parker loves his room. And it makes Dani and I incredibly happy to hear him laughing and playing in there with his friends.
If you are completely tired of all these descriptions, you might take a nap on the lush purple velvet of our bed. It sits directly under a huge twelve pane picture window where Harriet likes to blow in an out of the cracked glass – or sometimes through the bullet hole (really!) The room itself took some getting used to – it’s powder blue with baby blue trim. Not our first choice. But we have decided to go with it (seeing that we have don’t have any other opeion!) The sheets and quilts we already have are in purples, the large Whippet painting and Egyptian travel poster we already had are in greens. Our natural wooden desks and dressers and trunks and tables make the blue room warmer. A pink art deco lamp here, a brass Morrocan lantern there, a couple of plants and candles and somehow it all works out. Luckily, it’s very roomy so there is space enough for Dani to set up her office here. This is where she works from home, looking out, when she takes a momentary mental break, at the sky and the forest. Luckily, too, is that Harriet (who has recently taken on the physical form of a live raccoon) sleeps during the day. She can be very loud at night – sounding like a person walking on the rafters and the insulation above our heads. We have to figure out how to get her to leave but haven’t managed yet. Any humane ideas are welcome.
But I digress. Let us leave Harriet the Raccoon and go back through the kitchen to the back of the house where I am THRILLED to say lives my studio. It is a studio and a laundry room and a doggy diner and a mudroom from the back door all rolled in one. It’s a little crowded but such a privilege to have. It’s the first studio that I have had that is part of the house. It’s not in the garage or the attic or the basement. And I can keep my ironing board set up all the time. VERY exciting! I have a design wall made of felt and closets to store my cloth and tucked away spaces to put my drawers of tools and supplies. It’s not all organized yet but enough so that I can really focus on the yo-yo commission that I am currently working on. I have been able to take hundreds of round yo-yos made from 1970s clothing and textiles by Jeajea and her mother in the 1970s and make an actual design with them! I added a modern fabric to tie it all together and figured out how to (for the most part) fit together wildly different sized yo-yos without losing my mind. It’s pretty ironic that Jeajea works for the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation because I really could go mad trying to get this quilt to be “perfect”. Luckily, I do not have OCD and I have been able to let go of the imperfections, envisioning the work as a whole – a beautiful tribute to a wacky era. I cannot tell you how pleased, how blessed, how fortunate I feel to be able to quilt again. You have no idea. It is an honor that I do not take for granted.
And now, last, but not least, let me show you the most romantic room in the house. Our bathroom. It truly is a thing of beauty. A pale pink formica counter with chrome accents, tiled walls of 4” pink squares with burgundy edging, a deep bathtub with chrome fixtures where the pink tiles glow with candlelight during a bath. It really is romantic. And a perfect home for my 1910 wooden commode (we call it the potty chair even though it was used by adults.) There is an ancient electric coil chrome heater (that Harriet turns on at random) and the potential for much mischief by Harriet in the plumbing department (the faucets and the toilet have been replaced within the last month – thanks to help from my competent friend Cindy.) But it is a warm, soft refuge to be sure.
In the back of the house, just outside the studio is a little screened in porch and enclosed garden shed. There is an outdoor utility sink and a place for the mop and vacuum, etc. It leads to a passageway that runs between our front and back yards with the neighbor’s high fence barely keeping their ferocious dogs from eating us as we pass. Up some stairs to the backyard just past the large aviary (where we will someday have finches and chickens) there is the only place on all of the property to receive direct sunlight for more than an hour (due to the sun not getting higher than the surrounding trees.) Someday, I can see a vegetable or cut flower garden there. But for now, it’s a large place for grass and ball playing and camp-outs and stargazing.
And on the top edge of the property sits our little guest house, Well, OK, right now, it’s a storage shed. But there is electricity and a nice big window and a LOT of potential. Brook stayed in there until she left for Thailand and she’ll stay there when she returns – not that we know when that is. I can see it being a comfortable private guest house when we get some carpeting and heat in there. But that will wait. We’re broke at the moment. Any spare money will go toward saving for a honeymoon and maybe getting some flowers for those pots out front.
I hope you have enjoyed my house tour. I hope you feel compelled to come visit this amazing redwood country. There are resorts all up and down Highway 9 and people come from all over the world to see “the big trees.” If our first month here is any indication, we may be blessed with lots of company here. And that would suit us just fine because then we won’t have to leave our cozy home unless it is to go to the little village of Felton (where the post office, the library, the thrift store, the organic food store, the hardware store, the bank, the coffeehouse, the feed store, the music hall AND the dance hall are all within walking distance and only the post office is not independently owned and operated!)
Oh! As a health update – I still have cancer and I’m on the chemo break because the chemo was making me ill. I am stepping down a little on the IVIG to two days every three weeks instead of three days every three weeks. It’s keeping my skin together but it’s tough to take – to say nothing of expensive.
I live with a steady, ever changing stream of ailments that include eye infections, mouth lesions, thrust, yeast infections, headaches and fatigue. I would truly LOVE to be pain free. I would LOVE to have that freedom. But I am always mindful that I have my life and my loves and my eyesight. I cannot ask for more. I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Thanks for checking in with me. I’ll keep you posted and now our webpage (www.alotoflife.com) is up with slideshows and movies.
Big love and Happy New Year!
V
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still here
Posted on 2006.01.03 at 21:13
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Stayin' Alive, The Bee Gees
yes - it is true - I am still here. I am torn because I have so much to say and so little time in which to say it.
We are pretty much unpacked in the new house & it is fabulous and a LOT of work. It has been raining non stop since the day we moved in - mudslides and downed trees and no power and crazy wet. Mold started growing on the curtains a few days after we moved in - from a completely clean wall! Crazy - but super exciting. Dani & I absolutely LOVE being in Felton and you can't stop Parker from singing - he is so happy. He tries to mope every now and then but he forgets because he loves his room and his loft and his clubhouse and his fort. We have had many children over to play and Parker is happy to be host in such cool surroundings.
We've had many guests visiting from out of town as well as Pk's guests (who manage to also spend the night)- one after another come the friends and family - and sometimes overlapping. Like the new house, fabulous and a LOT of energy.
With my studio set up as of yesterday, I am VERY excited to be quilting again. I am actually able to have the pieces of JJ's quilt up on the design board instead of in boxes with a design in my head. Of course, being able to actually SEE the pieces has changed the design dramatically. But it's all VERY exciting and, yes, a LOT of time is taken doing it.
All this is to say that it's not that I am not well that I am not writing. It is that I am so well that I am pulled to do so many things. I feel a pressure to get as much as possible done before I can't - or in case I can't - or, well - you know what I mean.
With the school play and two weeks of fun fun fun vacation under our belts, it is on to the Science Fair project - which looks like it will follow Parker's inate love of pyrotechnics. What will fire burn? This is the deep scientific question we will be delving into. Hmmm.
I am loving the chemo break - and now that the mouth lesions are FINALLY receeding (yes - it has been a cuisinart holiday season - thank goodness for mushed food) I look forward to some real kissing and dark chocolate and garlic! Not all at the same time!
IVIG is this week - and I bet I will feel good enough to quilt at the same time I am getting my infusion! Hooray!
Take care one and all and thanks for checking in,
Love, V
The Neighbor's Laundry 1
Posted private on 2006.01.17 at 21:48
Current Music: Troubled Fields, Nanci Griffith
Going back in time - we see our neighbors in the year 2004 - just after Doris' friends scraped together money to pay for her half of mediation so that she and Garth could work things out officially after their recent split after 14 years together. Although the state law would normally entitle Doris to alimony (given their financial relationship over the years and the considerable joint debt that was in her name alone), Garth found a clear loophole. But child support could not be avoided. Both Doris and Garth wanted to stay out of the family court system. After quite a few phone calls and emails, the meeting was finally set up.
dear doris,
i have not yet recieved any numbers from your lawyer regarding child
support. as a result, i am not willing to meet with the mediator to
discuss the settlement for child support at this time.
if you have a figure in mind, i am happy to consider such an amount,
but i
am not willing to be "suprized" during mediation. at this point i
believe
the meeting should be cancelled or postponed until you tell me what
amount
you expect and i have time to reflect and consider my own expenses as
well
as yours. this will allow me an opportunity to be clear, responsible,
and
realisitic about what is right for oscar.
I have been clear about what i can/am willing to pay beyond what i am
already paying in health and dental insurance. (for both you and
oscar).
I am not inflexible and i am certainly willing to discuss child
support-
but only after having an opportunity for reflection.
i will cancel the meeting with the mediator set for this coming
thursday
if i do not hear from you by 10am on wednesday.
A copy of this email is being sent to my colleague who
attended our first meeting.
respectfully, garth
Doris explained, by telephone, that she did not personally have a figure that she felt was fair. She explained that there is a formula by which the state figures out child support based on both parent's incomes and necessary expenditures. Because Garth had not provided his part of this information in a timely manner, the lawyer had to delay the computation but promised to have the figures at the time of the mediation and that was all she could do. Doris reminded Garth that this issue would not go away and that they would be better off to deal with it out of court in a friendly manner.
Tune in to see what happened next...
Frustrated
Posted private on 2006.01.24 at 19:08
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Prince of Darkness, Indigo Girls
This is so frustrating. I am not sure why some of you can view everything with no problem and some of you can't. It probably has to do with whether you sign on to my page from your own page and if you have me listed as your friend.
I am going to have to do something different - obviously.
The whole reason I went into the private thing was because I just don't want my writing questioned by Paul or used against me in any way. I just want to be able to write - with the same amount of respect, introspection, rage and compassion that I usually have.
When he was at a gathering of mutual friends, someone - or maybe more than one person? -said that they were surprised to see Pk with him and they were surprised that he was involved at all - physically or financially - with Pk because of what I wrote on livejournal. I know what I wrote on LJ & I know that I wrote facts: he agreed to 1/2 custody and then backed away to 1/4 custody and then moved out of the state and across the country; He agreed to pay an amount that is something like a third of what the state says he should pay but now with his job situation, he can't even do a third of that. He talks to Pk once a week or so. He sends some money. He sees Pk every few months for a few days. He has his reasons and I'm sure he would try to blame me for them.
But it isn't what I wrote and how it was misinterpretted to mean that he had no contact whatsoever that is frightening to me. It's that he said that the only reason that he wan't fighting for custody was because of my health. I don't know what the hell that means since I had to f---ing badger him to take Pk at all. He can't even take him during school holidays and vacations. He can't even get Pk's homework done when they do spend time together. Not once has Pk come back from his house with everything in order. How the hell am I supposed to think that he would fight for 100% custody? But that's what he said and I just don't want a fight. I want to be civil and share custody. I want Pk to get to have a normal life and still be able to see his other parent. There is no winner takes all.
So that's why I kind of freaked out. I don't want LJ to be used against me - or against Pk. I know I really should not live in fear of Paul. It's an old habit that I have not been able to fully break myself of. So there you have it.
Health - they can't get the IVIG (again) - I am developing a strange rash on my arms and legs that will get me to see the dematologist who ultimately saved my life with the diagnosis of PNP way back when. And this cold that I got from Pk is wicked bad. It hurts so bad to breathe. My muscles are thrashed from coughing deeply. I end up puking and that isn't fun either. I was doing OK but then Po came to visit from Indiana and I don't regret one moment of it - but I kind of pushed myself and now I am definately paying for it. But geez - she and her mother were F-U-N to hang with. A true pleasure.
Brk is in Thailand and having a great time scootering and treking with friends new and old. She is seeing much of the countryside and learning a lot.
Pk is developing a traveling yardsale that we have dubbed P-Bay. He tries to sell random things that he has no use for anymore. I was upset to see his Red Sox hat in the pile. But hey - I understand. It's hard to be loyal when cash is at hand. Johnny Damon sure is a good role model.
Dani is meeting lots of Buddists and a good number of them lesbians too! She had dinner with her mother and is at a meeting right now. I am very glad that she has a chance to chant with people and that there is an active Buddist community here.
I don't know if I'll keep doing LJ or if I'll switch to the new website (www.alotoflove.com) or if I'll just give up writing online altogether. I'll keep you posted.
Whippets
Posted on 2006.01.27 at 10:09
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Who Let the Dogs Out?
Oh my goodness. After spending a week dog-sitting Amica's Whippet brother Benjamin, I find this link (sent by Benjamin's dads) hysterical.
http://www.cafepress.com/dogs_of_war/374826
Obey the Whippet!
They are such gentle dogs, whippets. But they are demanding for sure.
So I am hacking away and coughing up gunk and trying to rest as much as possible. I think an x-ray might be in order and maybe some antibiotics. But Mary the nurse is on her way to give me IVIG (yeah! They found it!) so I don't want to mess that up. Maybe I can go to the hospital after I get IVIG. ? We'll see.
In the meantime, I'm going to do some art and some laundry and some paperwork while I'm hooked up to the pump for hours.
When Pk gets home, he's got a playdate here with his friends Css and Asr. They play together so well - discussing the merits of elf wings and debating the existence of dragons. They are physical and imaginative - a joy to behold.
This weekend we'll be working on class valentines and his science project about what happens when things burn. Also we'll focus on writing haiku poetry for his big new assignment of writing a poetry book with ten kinds of poetry to be bound and illustrated. And you should hear him play the recorder! I know I'm his mother and it's my job to brag - but really - it's so impressive to hear him play the notes so well when he used to be so negative and hopeless about it. By being the mean Mama and insisting that he practice, he now has the confidence to make up his own songs as well as learn notes written in the book. I LOVE to watch him learn! And don't even get me started on how exciting it is to help him memorize times tables! Once he gets into something, he just gets it. It's VERY cool.
I think I should take this moment to express my deep gratitude for the blessing of a small, art-oriented school. There just are not too many small public schools that have so much autonomy. And his teacher is the best I have ever met. I am so incredibly grateful for her. This is her last year teaching - and more's the pity! Next year, we may switch back to homeschooling. Pk likes the kids in the homeschool program (which is directly attached to the public school - they share the same facility and resources but are on site only 2 out of 5 school days.) More will be revealed.
OK - time to get to that laundry!
Happy New Year House Tour
Posted on 2006.01.31 at 10:11
Current Mood: Domestic Bliss
Current Music: I Got the Sun in the Morning, Bernadette Peters
Obviously, it’s been way too long since I’ve written. It’s before dawn. Dani just left for work, as is her custom on Monday mornings, in the dark. Tonight she will stay in Berkeley with her friends Pete and Hap and their dog, Benjamin who is Amica’s brother (Amica is Dani’s dog.) This week marks their third birthday.
The way the schedule now goes, Dani will return home on Tuesday after work (in the dark) and will probably work from home on Wednesday, drive to and from SF on Thursday and then work from home on Friday. The commute, if she can get up at 5 AM and leave the office early to avoid the worst traffic is an hour and 15-30 minutes one way.
She always said that she wouldn’t mind moving from the city, she wouldn’t mind the long commute, if she had a nice home to come home to. And I think we have managed it.
I will first say that our beautiful home is haunted. We have named the ghost, in both her ethereal and physical forms, Harriet. She means well. She really loves this old house which is planted on a lush green hill nestled in giant redwoods the size of high rises. The redwoods around here are mostly second growth but there are still a few that are one and two thousand years old. They can get larger than the statue of liberty. It is nothing if not humbling.
The house itself is blue grey, with a large lawned front yard surrounded by a sweet white fence, complete with picket gates, one of which now sports a heart shaped basket to welcome people. In the middle of the yard is a tall camellia tree that is currently in bloom with large pink flowers. Normally, camellias are bushes but someone must have pruned this very carefully to get it to such a height. It’s magnificent. On the sides of the lawn are cala lilies, day lilies and a tulip tree (currently bare of leaves but buds promise that it will be spectacular in the spring.) The bird feeder in this tree has seen sparrows, finches, red headed woodpeckers, stellar blue jays, yellow grosbeak and doves. There are other birds that I haven’t yet been able to identify. Parker is studying ornithology at school and has the birding book there.
The sloped lawn leads up a set of four stone stairs set into the stone retaining wall. Along the wall are pots with soil in them, waiting for flowers. My guess is that there are gophers aplenty here and most flowers would get eaten if put in the ground. The last tenants took most of their plants but left some sweet snap dragons in a planter and a small, graceful fusia tree that is nested in a moss-covered rock garden just above the retaining wall. To that garden, I have added my heart shaped rock collection and Dani put her little garden salamander and lizard and frog.
Above the retaining wall (which is only five feet tall or so) is the front deck where not much is taking place right now. There are our outdoor plants, Parker’s bikes, and a few plants in the ground. It’s been much too rainy and wet and cold to do anything creative outdoors – not that we’ve had time! The average rainfall here is 50 inches a year but this year it could be closer to 100 since we’ve had over 30 inches so far and it’s not nearly done raining. This is mudslide time and 100 feet of one of the main highways leading to our house from Santa Cruz washed away down the side of the mountain in the last storm. It’s enough to make one want to stay indoors!
And if you walk up to our front porch (which is large enough to hold a large wooden kitchen table and someday some outdoor chairs and a couple of potted palm trees), you would get to the front door to lead you inside. The door is wooden with inset panels and a brass knocker and a pentacle made from woven wheat. Sure, it announces this as a pagan home to the letter carrier, but it makes me smile every time I come home.
We enter into the heart of our home, the living room. It is simple and has lots of floor space for Parker and Dani and Amica to roll around on. Rather than rolling on the carpeted floor, I usually prefer to sit on the couches (both of which fold out for guests – hint, hint) or in my mother’s oak Mission-era rocking chair. Either way, there is a nice open space feeling in there. Two walls have large, multi-paneled picture windows that look out onto the yard, the road and the giant redwoods and pines. On one wall is my colorful crazy quilt titled “In Retrospect” which is set in black velvet and is very warm. Book cases line most of the other wall spaces except for our altars.
Dani’s altar is a simple Japanese setting with an orchid, a shallow platter of rotating fresh fruit, a black incense bowl and a small bowl of water that is refreshed daily. Her gohanzan is a wooden cabinet (very simple, elegant design) that houses a special Japanese scroll, presented to her after twenty years of chanting. It is set high above the floor on a golden orange cloth and there is lots of white wall space behind it. On a little wooden table in front of the alter are her prayer beads and incense, her Tibetan singing bowl and her chime from Dubai given to her by my father. On the floor in front of the alter is a prayer rug brought by my father from Turkey and a prayer bench bought by my parents long, long ago from the last of the New England Shakers.
Dani has such a gift for aesthetics. She loves the beauty of a zen sand garden and the space that means just as much, if not more, than any object. She inspires me. And it feels good for me, with the Christmas decorations put away, to have a very sparse winter solstice altar. My altar is on the mantle of the fireplace. Right now there are evergreen branches along the mantle with an oil lamp and a mirror in the center. There are little suns hanging in different places, but not many of them – just touches of gold. In the actual fireplace, there are mirrors, crystals and candles – many many candles. The fireplace hasn’t been inspected or used since the earthquake (when anyone around here says the earthquake, they mean the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake that is often remembered by others as the San Francisco / World Series earthquake.) A chimney sweep is coming today to inspect it so maybe we’ll have a real fire in it soon! Very exciting! I love that there is a wide raised hearth in front of the fireplace where we can sit and there is room for our drums and my witch broom and our cast iron cauldron and steam dragon.
Leaving the living room, we enter the bright sunny yellow kitchen where Dani’s 1960s chrome and formica dinette set perfectly matches the color of the cabinets!! My antique baker’s rack hold plants and platters and adds the warmth of wood. There are tons of white tiled counter spaces and much cabinet space for our small collection of ceramic bowls (it helps to have a sister who is a potter!) There are two big windows looking down onto the front porch and front yard. We have original paintings, a lively dreamscape acrylic by Dani and two theatrical set watercolors by me plus a brightly colored landscape of an Italian villa on the Mediterranean from Dani’s last apartment. It’s very cheerful in our kitchen where music is usually playing from my iPod hooked up to tiny speakers. We have all the modern kitchen amenities but can’t turn on more than one of them at a time due to Harriet (the ghost – remember her?) who, in her ethereal form, messes with the ancient electrical circuitry all the time. She forces us to be very aware of the electricity that we use which is fine.
The bedrooms are both off of the kitchen. Parker’s room is an eight year old’s dream room (minus the plasma wide screen TV and X-Box 360 which he can just dream on about!) It has plenty of carpeted floor space to practice Aikido moves and dance moves and wrestling moves. It has a comfy double bed, and a reading nook nested underneath a tall loft. The carpeted loft is covered with animal skins (the collection now includes a fox, a sheep, a deer, a fawn, a dog, an old sealskin coat plus the 14 foot boa skin on the wall.) The loft is also home to a family of stuffed animals who are often ammunition for beanie baby wars with friends. There are also a collection of warm quilts and pillows up there where he can snuggle up on Movie day, watching dvds on the 15 inch television (the only tv in the house although it has no reception for any television network.) He has tiered drawers along one of the long sides of his room (which is something like 10 feet by 18 feet) that organize all his toys and doubles as a set of stairs to a clubhouse on the opposite side of the room as the loft. The clubhouse is a ginormouse storage space (where we have nothing to store) with sliding wooden doors. Two children fit in there easily to play. It is decorated by a very large bear head (in the taxidermy style but of manmade materials) and was obviously used by children of the past as evidence was found in the form of taped-up poetry and messages and graffiti inside the clubhouse, Parker’s walls are home to his pennant collection, his bookcases are home to his collection of his grandfather’s world travel momentos and he has two windows that have a view of the back retaining wall (made of moss-covered stones) and of the backyard. His closet (under the clubhouse) is way bigger than any of us need and is used to hold sporting and camping goods along with clothes and shoes and everyone’s coats. Parker loves his room. And it makes Dani and I incredibly happy to hear him laughing and playing in there with his friends.
If you are completely tired of all these descriptions, you might take a nap on the lush purple velvet of our bed. It sits directly under a huge twelve pane picture window where Harriet likes to blow in an out of the cracked glass – or sometimes through the bullet hole (really!) The room itself took some getting used to – it’s powder blue with baby blue trim. Not our first choice. But we have decided to go with it (seeing that we have don’t have any other opeion!) The sheets and quilts we already have are in purples, the large Whippet painting and Egyptian travel poster we already had are in greens. Our natural wooden desks and dressers and trunks and tables make the blue room warmer. A pink art deco lamp here, a brass Morrocan lantern there, a couple of plants and candles and somehow it all works out. Luckily, it’s very roomy so there is space enough for Dani to set up her office here. This is where she works from home, looking out, when she takes a momentary mental break, at the sky and the forest. Luckily, too, is that Harriet (who has recently taken on the physical form of a live raccoon) sleeps during the day. She can be very loud at night – sounding like a person walking on the rafters and the insulation above our heads. We have to figure out how to get her to leave but haven’t managed yet. Any humane ideas are welcome.
But I digress. Let us leave Harriet the Raccoon and go back through the kitchen to the back of the house where I am THRILLED to say lives my studio. It is a studio and a laundry room and a doggy diner and a mudroom from the back door all rolled in one. It’s a little crowded but such a privilege to have. It’s the first studio that I have had that is part of the house. It’s not in the garage or the attic or the basement. And I can keep my ironing board set up all the time. VERY exciting! I have a design wall made of felt and closets to store my cloth and tucked away spaces to put my drawers of tools and supplies. It’s not all organized yet but enough so that I can really focus on the yo-yo commission that I am currently working on. I have been able to take hundreds of round yo-yos made from 1970s clothing and textiles by Jeajea and her mother in the 1970s and make an actual design with them! I added a modern fabric to tie it all together and figured out how to (for the most part) fit together wildly different sized yo-yos without losing my mind. It’s pretty ironic that Jeajea works for the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Foundation because I really could go mad trying to get this quilt to be “perfect”. Luckily, I do not have OCD and I have been able to let go of the imperfections, envisioning the work as a whole – a beautiful tribute to a wacky era. I cannot tell you how pleased, how blessed, how fortunate I feel to be able to quilt again. You have no idea. It is an honor that I do not take for granted.
And now, last, but not least, let me show you the most romantic room in the house. Our bathroom. It truly is a thing of beauty. A pale pink formica counter with chrome accents, tiled walls of 4” pink squares with burgundy edging, a deep bathtub with chrome fixtures where the pink tiles glow with candlelight during a bath. It really is romantic. And a perfect home for my 1910 wooden commode (we call it the potty chair even though it was used by adults.) There is an ancient electric coil chrome heater (that Harriet turns on at random) and the potential for much mischief by Harriet in the plumbing department (the faucets and the toilet have been replaced within the last month – thanks to help from my competent friend Cindy.) But it is a warm, soft refuge to be sure.
In the back of the house, just outside the studio is a little screened in porch and enclosed garden shed. There is an outdoor utility sink and a place for the mop and vacuum, etc. It leads to a passageway that runs between our front and back yards with the neighbor’s high fence barely keeping their ferocious dogs from eating us as we pass. Up some stairs to the backyard just past the large aviary (where we will someday have finches and chickens) there is the only place on all of the property to receive direct sunlight for more than an hour (due to the sun not getting higher than the surrounding trees.) Someday, I can see a vegetable or cut flower garden there. But for now, it’s a large place for grass and ball playing and camp-outs and stargazing.
And on the top edge of the property sits our little guest house, Well, OK, right now, it’s a storage shed. But there is electricity and a nice big window and a LOT of potential. Brook stayed in there until she left for Thailand and she’ll stay there when she returns – not that we know when that is. I can see it being a comfortable private guest house when we get some carpeting and heat in there. But that will wait. We’re broke at the moment. Any spare money will go toward saving for a honeymoon and maybe getting some flowers for those pots out front.
I hope you have enjoyed my house tour. I hope you feel compelled to come visit this amazing redwood country. There are resorts all up and down Highway 9 and people come from all over the world to see “the big trees.” If our first month here is any indication, we may be blessed with lots of company here. And that would suit us just fine because then we won’t have to leave our cozy home unless it is to go to the little village of Felton (where the post office, the library, the thrift store, the organic food store, the hardware store, the bank, the coffeehouse, the feed store, the music hall AND the dance hall are all within walking distance and only the post office is not independently owned and operated!)
Oh! As a health update – I still have cancer and I’m on the chemo break because the chemo was making me ill. I am stepping down a little on the IVIG to two days every three weeks instead of three days every three weeks. It’s keeping my skin together but it’s tough to take – to say nothing of expensive.
I live with a steady, ever changing stream of ailments that include eye infections, mouth lesions, thrust, yeast infections, headaches and fatigue. I would truly LOVE to be pain free. I would LOVE to have that freedom. But I am always mindful that I have my life and my loves and my eyesight. I cannot ask for more. I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.
Thanks for checking in with me. I’ll keep you posted and now our webpage (www.alotoflife.com) is up with slideshows and movies.
Big love and Happy New Year!
V
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