V's Version

Well - it's official. We are in the whirlwind of autumn. To me, autumn means change - maybe it's because of school starting, maybe it's because of the autumnal equinox and the sun's continued decent on the horizon, maybe it's because of the leaves swirling about in the wind (even here in Northern California there are scattered deciduous trees with their bright falling leaves.)


The fresh start of autumn is not the fresh start of spring, all dewy and new and green. No, no. Autumn change is crisp and wise and infused with the faith that both sees the oncoming darkness of winter and holds the courage to withstand it, knowing that change only brings more and we are part of cycles, not lines.

It is among these swirling leaves of change that I experience the drive of disciplined steady quilting, the floppy sweet awkwardness of our new puppy Jax, the heightened academic expectations of the 4th grade, the dedication it takes to be at every windy soccer game, the steadfast commitment to religious education as Pk studies world religions with his new Buddhist teacher and the flurry of details it takes to plan our upcoming commitment ceremony in Hawaii.

I've done all of these things before, but not with these eyes, not with this heart.

It feels like all of it is new, but not new. I've done all of these things before, but not with these eyes, not with this heart. My eyes have disintegrated. My heart has shattered. I cannot experience the world in the same way, with the same naiveté as I once had and I am glad of it. Dewy green optimism has it's place but give me the crunchy crisp wisdom of experience any day!

With all of that said, I have to admit that planning the commitment ceremony is fun! It's a TOTALLY different experience than planning my wedding with P back in the early 90s. I know more. Dani and I have split the responsibilities. Our individual spiritual backgrounds are called upon and the commitment is not only for us to move forward together as a couple, but for us to accept each other's family as our own. We are making it a union of families. And what better way to head into the second half of our lives than to have a simple ceremony at sunset with the autumn breezes of Maui about us and the soft sandy skin of Pele underneath us?

I am looking forward to tricking out a (!!! crazy too expensive) wedding dress that I snagged off craigslist for $30! Bless that Craig and his little list.