Friday, October 27, 2006
Ulg - I feel sick.
When I spoke with a friend recently she told me that she was in need of money and that she had been thrown out of her house and that her partner of many years (who had a new lover) no longer could be her caretaker (she's been very ill.) It was so close to my own situation that I could scarcely believe it. There was more drama - more people involved - more legal stuff. But the basics of her story seemed roughly the same: long term relationship -one person gets sick- overworked and tired caretaker - new girlfriend - sick one out.
It hit an obvious nerve.
I have to say that even in my distress for the sick one, I was still able to see the side of the caretaker. I know - and will always appreciate - how much WW did for me. I know intimately how hard it is to be the caretaker of someone so ill. But I also know even more intimately what it is to BE that ill. And how brutal it is to find housing in that condition. And I was told that money was needed - so I put out a call for help. Then I heard from the former caretaker who spoke of abuse and fear.
Ulg. What the hell do I know?
I have urged each person to be kind to the other. I have told the sick one that anger and resentment will eat a body faster than any disease. I have offered compassion for the former caretaker. I have wished upon the sick one that if following in my foosteps seems to be the way to go - may it happen all the way to the end. I would wish the happiness that I have now on anyone. I am grateful (now) for WW's painful decision to break - and can see WW's perspective much more clearly now and with much compassion. Of course, if I hadn't made it as well, things would have been different. But now I am able to see many versions of a story.
I only wish that I had not jumped out into the www so quickly with only one version in my head - that there wasn't still enough lingering pain from my own ordeal to warrent the rush to judgement. I can only hope that in my empathizing, I have not harmed anyone. I wasn't there. I don't know. I wish for everyone peace.
When I spoke with a friend recently she told me that she was in need of money and that she had been thrown out of her house and that her partner of many years (who had a new lover) no longer could be her caretaker (she's been very ill.) It was so close to my own situation that I could scarcely believe it. There was more drama - more people involved - more legal stuff. But the basics of her story seemed roughly the same: long term relationship -one person gets sick- overworked and tired caretaker - new girlfriend - sick one out.
It hit an obvious nerve.
I have to say that even in my distress for the sick one, I was still able to see the side of the caretaker. I know - and will always appreciate - how much WW did for me. I know intimately how hard it is to be the caretaker of someone so ill. But I also know even more intimately what it is to BE that ill. And how brutal it is to find housing in that condition. And I was told that money was needed - so I put out a call for help. Then I heard from the former caretaker who spoke of abuse and fear.
Ulg. What the hell do I know?
I have urged each person to be kind to the other. I have told the sick one that anger and resentment will eat a body faster than any disease. I have offered compassion for the former caretaker. I have wished upon the sick one that if following in my foosteps seems to be the way to go - may it happen all the way to the end. I would wish the happiness that I have now on anyone. I am grateful (now) for WW's painful decision to break - and can see WW's perspective much more clearly now and with much compassion. Of course, if I hadn't made it as well, things would have been different. But now I am able to see many versions of a story.
I only wish that I had not jumped out into the www so quickly with only one version in my head - that there wasn't still enough lingering pain from my own ordeal to warrent the rush to judgement. I can only hope that in my empathizing, I have not harmed anyone. I wasn't there. I don't know. I wish for everyone peace.
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