V's Version

I am in shock.
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This is just one of those times in life when I am grateful for my ability to compartmentalize.

I will write what I am about to write and then try my best to put the thoughts away so that I can focus on what is most important right now...which is the wedding reception and celebrating love, health, friendship and family.

With few exceptions, the visual record of almost 20 years worth of my artwork has vanished into the ether.

**poof**

My portfolio - almost all digital - has been deleted by accident from the "safe" back-up hard drive and, to the best of my knowledge, is not retrievable. Because I work on commission, all of my work is out there in the world and I do not have access to it. And even if I do, it takes so much work to get it into a "portfolio" quality photograph.

I cannot even begin to recount how many hours of work went into the sizing and categorization and digital editing of those photographs. I cannot even begin to imagine what it will take for me to cobble what I have left to begin again.

I am staving off grief. I am holding back a tide of self incrimination (I should have had a second back-up ...I should have burned them onto CDs... I should have checked...I should have printed hard copies...I should have paid even more attention to my filing systems...)

The irony is that I realized that the folder named "Quilts and Portfolio" was completely empty when I went looking for photos of Valentines that I have made in the past. Well- maybe that isn't irony. What is it? Coincidence? A reminder of what is important?

I have much more to celebrate than I do to mourn. And yet it is - just for the moment when I let myself feel it - no consolation for the grief I have at the loss of my work. 17 years worth of work is gone and all I have left is a handful of photographs that I can re-scan, my You-Tube movies, a couple of good digital images and the thumbnail low resolution digital files that are on the website.
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I don't know what to say.
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Deep breaths. Compartmentalize. Journal. Move on. What else can I do?