V's Version

The Bearded Lady: A Documentary Film and Visibility Project - (<-----click the link to check it out) Regardless of how one might react to the style and/or politics of Dandypants - this project is way over due.

I found myself recently in what escalated quickly from a conversation to a heated argument. I think it started with some positive statement about this film project. The person to whom I was speaking denied that women have beards. We went back and forth for a couple of minutes - each passionate because of our own experiences. I was perplexed at how so many women could be so invisible and how I was so NOT being able to apply my new found way of listening to this conversation. My reality was being questioned. I was offended. I couldn't quite let go in order to listen to their almost opposite experience for fear that mine might be negated.

I settled upon the less than graceful question- "Are you saying that you do not believe me when I say that I have seen - with my own eyes - many women with beards?"

Well - when it was put that way - what could they say? No - it wasn't that I was unbelievable - it was just that they themselves had never actually seen a woman with a beard. Well - when they put it that way - what could I say? OK - I can believe that they probably have never seen a woman with a beard *grown out*. Many women pluck, bleach, shave, hide with make-up. Women spend a lot of time and money and effort trying to hide their facial hair. That this person to whom I was speaking had never seen the facial hair is a triumph to their efforts, I guess.

The conversation makes clear two things- my listening skills really need more practice (insecurity is powerful stuff) and bearded women need more visibility. I am glad that this project is in the works and will continue to do whatever I can to help.

I will also continue to practice the baby steps of Non Violent Communication.
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Labels: women facial hair bearded lady documentary visibility non violent communication