Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Certain people in my life have probably never heard of Catherine Crouch and her film Gendercator. (Sci Fi short about an andro hippie dyke in the 1970s who parties after the Billy Jean King win over Bobby Riggs, passes out under a tree (a la Rip Van Winkle) and wakes up to find surprising changes in gender norms 100 years later). Some people in my life have probably heard more than they ever want to hear about the controversy surrounding the Bay Area Reporter article and the removal of the film from the Frameline LGBT Film Festival here in San Francisco.
And I just got a voicemail - was it pulled from MWMF Festival too?
I am hardly at the forefront of gender politics but I am somewhere close to the front - closer than a lot of people. And I feel a little lost in the storm. I've been having conversations with various friends about the subject for many reasons and over many years. It is a huge relief to be able to identify my partner as transgendered so that the natural swing between male and female (the "other" box) is more easily spoken of by us as a family. I find that just using the framework of "trans" is liberating and empowering and it feels light and authentic (Dani appreciates being able to identify herself in this way because it helps name her in the world.) My wife is my Daddy and she is a boi and a butch dyke and he is nurturing and she is capable and although she is handsome, he is always being called cute. So we say that she prefers "Mr. Cute"! If you can flow with this - welcome to our world! It is not confusing unless the world is all or nothing, black or white, male or female. (And is most definitely is not. ) We are always evolving and changing. It takes courage to be this free.
I supported my ex-partner in his FTM transition in every possible way. I backed him in theory, I backed him in practice and language. I backed his gender as a parent, as a person, as a friend - even though I didn't always understand the pace of his decisions.
I recently met a woman who considers herself FTMTF. She - like almost every other butch or andro dyke under the age of 30 that I know - considered transitioning. She - unlike an increasing number of her peers - decided that she wanted to embrace her body as it is and to work on demanding that the world accept her as she is - in the box called "other" where she can float between male and female without surgery. She does not have many role models left and why can't we talk about / have anxiety about / question this reality? Why? Her name is Lex and she writes powerful poetry (I'll get a link when I can.)
[[[ aside: Dani and I are trying to raise money to get her to the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. (Let me know if you want to help.) I would LOVE to hear her perform at an open mic there! Shout out to Nedra, Mel, Frances, Pat and Lee for stepping up right away. ]]]
But anyway - all these bumps into gender politics have me thinking. I don't know what to say - I love the transmen that I know - I support their decisions to have or not have surgery as personal decisions - just like I would support someone's personal decision to have or not have an abortion or whether or not to take chemo or to have plastic surgery or Gastric Bypass surgery. These are personal decisions based on changes (some would say advances) in medical procedures that are more widely available and acceptable. And who am I to legislate life and death, body image and health? Who am I to set the moral bar?
But there is a moral imperative here. Freedom of expression. Freedom of being. And medical ethics. The rate of increased numbers of people using these medical procedures is astonishing. I truly am perplexed and don't feel comfortable. Maybe my grandmother feels this way about computers. Maybe her grandmother felt that way about electricity. Maybe her grandmother felt that way about machines. The pace of change is upsetting to me and I want to catch my breath long enough to ask - is this what we want? Is this OK?
Just because C-sections are available does not make them the best option in all birthing situations. Just because a smaller stomach and liposuction might take pressure off the heart and the kness does not make it the best path to overall health. But would I put anyone down for having one of these medical procedures? Far be it from me! My problem is with the pressure - the unbelievable pressure - to have C-sections, gender reassignment surgery, stomach stapling, tummy tucks, abortions and implants. Why can't we examine that pressure right alongside the examination of trans discrimination, size discrimination, sex education and the implications of intervention in birthing?
It's not a question of whether it is OK to transition genders. It's a question of whether it's OK NOT to transition.
This is not a subject that is going to float easily by. This is one of the dilemnas of our lifetime (along with global climate change and access to clean water and finding our paths to peace.) I cannot hide from the conversation but I don't really know how to proceed.
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Hello, V. This little dormouse followed your link from the fest BB. I'd been intrigued by some of your posts on the boards and wanted to say hello. I've opted to leave a comment on this particular entry as it resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts.
I feel I am on a similar wavelength, feeling a little lost in the storm as well.
I am a bit frustrated that this film received so much flack early on from so many who'd not yet seen it yet were willing to prevent others from seeing it and questioning it for themselves. Regardless of whether one agrees or disagrees with ideas expressed by the director/film, I'd hoped it would be seen as an opportunity to view and discuss it candidly - to learn by exploring and confronting our thoughts/emotions. I was simultaneously worried about the creator's true intentions and concerned about the potential effect her message would have on audiences.
I don't want to hide from this conversation either.
Art, to me, should not just be a happy sugar fix always showing/telling us what we want to see/hear or what we already hold to be true. It seems many people would rather assume what's expressed and discredit it. I've been inundated with overwhelmingly negative comments and warnings not to see this film by many who haven't seen it or read its script. Maybe this isn't the best place to say all this since you're right...many people have "heard more than they ever want to hear about the controversy."
I have to ask though...aren't most of us striving to prevent such harsh judgment from occurring in so many other contexts of our lives?
While there are cons to how the director may have expressed her opinions (both in the film and otherwise), I think I would like for it to be screened at MWMF (and other venues) - ideally with some form of structured Q&A, workshop, etc. Just having a discussion about why people/groups have had such strong reactions to hearing about/watching it would be enlightening. I'd love the chance to hear Catherine Crouch's thoughts as well. But...I will also admit I have not yet had a chance to see it myself. I am anxious that much of it might hit close to home for me and much of it's intended audience.
Where is the place where one can safely confront these issues? Where can we talk and discuss without assuming we're battling against each other and attempting to make everything into a horrid dichotomy? Does everything really have to be approached with the "us" vs. "them" mentality?! Can I not be a trans ally and gender queer activist while still raising questions?
On a related note, fest was the first time I can recall in my life that I felt really proud, safe and comfortable enough to truly self-identify as a woman. I actually felt just as proud/safe/comfortable to be seen as such too! I was thankful to see the diversity of women's gender, sexuality and body types expressed and respected...and to be surrounded by many who shared with me the experience of questioning and having their sexuality and gender expression questioned.
Last year was my cherry poppin' experience and it solidified my feelings that I should/could embrace being a woman despite being unable to fit neatly into that box, despite being scared or reluctant to at points in my life and despite rarely matching mainstream society's view of what I "should be."
Don't get me wrong...boxes and labels can be useful....but we often abuse them and confine ourselves and each other in them.
I'm a straddler. I've fought much of my 25 years to break out from many of those boxes, to question why they're there, to break some of them down (and even create some new ones). I've ultimately come to terms with the fact that I just don't fit entirely/solely into any one box (whether it's me or someone else that's trying to put me there)...most people don't...and that's ok, marvelous in fact.
What hurts me is when I see us confined in those rigid walls - and I'm not just talking about sex, sexuality and gender.
Now days, I like to play with those boxes. I like to see what else can fit in 'em, explore how misleading the content labels may be, or sprawl across several without considering what box others would put me in. In doing so, I've found that I'm quite comfortable in some boxes, but I never like when someone tries to tie me up in one so they can't even see me. I still try to open up those boxes, mine and others. A favorite hobby is to flatten the six panels of one and lay them out next to six panels of another so the boxes intersect...and the contents spill right into each other.
There's a warrior inside me that wants to tear all those boxes open. But for now, the craftivist in me will try to encourage myself and others to think outside the box even as we are still placed inside. It's my way of reclaiming.
I think I could relate to the FTMTF identity in some ways. (please post Lex's link!!!) I feel I have always been a combination of masculine and feminine energies. (Who isn't, really?) Even my sexuality is based on an attraction to a combination and fluid expression of these two energies.
Knowing how society is one of the many layers that influence our gender expression, I would rather strive to accept and be accepted for who I am as I am and the person I hope to be. For me, that means learning to be ok, to feel happy and safe in my body and to know it's ok even when I don't feel that way. Sometimes it means standing up to the things that don't allow me to feel happy and safe or questioning what really triggered me. It means knowing who I am even when someone tries to put me in a box. It means, striving to help others open up those boxes so they don't feel so confined. It means redefining the boxes I find myself in, pushing back its walls and unfolding those panels until I can - so we can - walk across 12 plus panels to find our most comfortable spot(s).
I know this isn't and can't be the path for everyone and we should all be able to find our own paths. Like you, I worry about the pace of change and what our options really are.
I don't entirely know how to proceed either. Honest discussion and questioning can't be a terrible place to start though, right? That brings me full circle to why I'd value the chance to watch Crouch's film with others and have an opportunity to discuss thoughts/reactions. *sigh*
Anyway, this is supposed to be a mere comment to your post and not a post unto itself. I guess you really struck a chord with me.
So, I'll stop here for now.
My goal was to say hello and thank you.
Hello. Thank you!
smiles,
haselmaus
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I feel I am on a similar wavelength, feeling a little lost in the storm as well.
I am a bit frustrated that this film received so much flack early on from so many who'd not yet seen it yet were willing to prevent others from seeing it and questioning it for themselves. Regardless of whether one agrees or disagrees with ideas expressed by the director/film, I'd hoped it would be seen as an opportunity to view and discuss it candidly - to learn by exploring and confronting our thoughts/emotions. I was simultaneously worried about the creator's true intentions and concerned about the potential effect her message would have on audiences.
I don't want to hide from this conversation either.
Art, to me, should not just be a happy sugar fix always showing/telling us what we want to see/hear or what we already hold to be true. It seems many people would rather assume what's expressed and discredit it. I've been inundated with overwhelmingly negative comments and warnings not to see this film by many who haven't seen it or read its script. Maybe this isn't the best place to say all this since you're right...many people have "heard more than they ever want to hear about the controversy."
I have to ask though...aren't most of us striving to prevent such harsh judgment from occurring in so many other contexts of our lives?
While there are cons to how the director may have expressed her opinions (both in the film and otherwise), I think I would like for it to be screened at MWMF (and other venues) - ideally with some form of structured Q&A, workshop, etc. Just having a discussion about why people/groups have had such strong reactions to hearing about/watching it would be enlightening. I'd love the chance to hear Catherine Crouch's thoughts as well. But...I will also admit I have not yet had a chance to see it myself. I am anxious that much of it might hit close to home for me and much of it's intended audience.
Where is the place where one can safely confront these issues? Where can we talk and discuss without assuming we're battling against each other and attempting to make everything into a horrid dichotomy? Does everything really have to be approached with the "us" vs. "them" mentality?! Can I not be a trans ally and gender queer activist while still raising questions?
On a related note, fest was the first time I can recall in my life that I felt really proud, safe and comfortable enough to truly self-identify as a woman. I actually felt just as proud/safe/comfortable to be seen as such too! I was thankful to see the diversity of women's gender, sexuality and body types expressed and respected...and to be surrounded by many who shared with me the experience of questioning and having their sexuality and gender expression questioned.
Last year was my cherry poppin' experience and it solidified my feelings that I should/could embrace being a woman despite being unable to fit neatly into that box, despite being scared or reluctant to at points in my life and despite rarely matching mainstream society's view of what I "should be."
Don't get me wrong...boxes and labels can be useful....but we often abuse them and confine ourselves and each other in them.
I'm a straddler. I've fought much of my 25 years to break out from many of those boxes, to question why they're there, to break some of them down (and even create some new ones). I've ultimately come to terms with the fact that I just don't fit entirely/solely into any one box (whether it's me or someone else that's trying to put me there)...most people don't...and that's ok, marvelous in fact.
What hurts me is when I see us confined in those rigid walls - and I'm not just talking about sex, sexuality and gender.
Now days, I like to play with those boxes. I like to see what else can fit in 'em, explore how misleading the content labels may be, or sprawl across several without considering what box others would put me in. In doing so, I've found that I'm quite comfortable in some boxes, but I never like when someone tries to tie me up in one so they can't even see me. I still try to open up those boxes, mine and others. A favorite hobby is to flatten the six panels of one and lay them out next to six panels of another so the boxes intersect...and the contents spill right into each other.
There's a warrior inside me that wants to tear all those boxes open. But for now, the craftivist in me will try to encourage myself and others to think outside the box even as we are still placed inside. It's my way of reclaiming.
I think I could relate to the FTMTF identity in some ways. (please post Lex's link!!!) I feel I have always been a combination of masculine and feminine energies. (Who isn't, really?) Even my sexuality is based on an attraction to a combination and fluid expression of these two energies.
Knowing how society is one of the many layers that influence our gender expression, I would rather strive to accept and be accepted for who I am as I am and the person I hope to be. For me, that means learning to be ok, to feel happy and safe in my body and to know it's ok even when I don't feel that way. Sometimes it means standing up to the things that don't allow me to feel happy and safe or questioning what really triggered me. It means knowing who I am even when someone tries to put me in a box. It means, striving to help others open up those boxes so they don't feel so confined. It means redefining the boxes I find myself in, pushing back its walls and unfolding those panels until I can - so we can - walk across 12 plus panels to find our most comfortable spot(s).
I know this isn't and can't be the path for everyone and we should all be able to find our own paths. Like you, I worry about the pace of change and what our options really are.
I don't entirely know how to proceed either. Honest discussion and questioning can't be a terrible place to start though, right? That brings me full circle to why I'd value the chance to watch Crouch's film with others and have an opportunity to discuss thoughts/reactions. *sigh*
Anyway, this is supposed to be a mere comment to your post and not a post unto itself. I guess you really struck a chord with me.
So, I'll stop here for now.
My goal was to say hello and thank you.
Hello. Thank you!
smiles,
haselmaus
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