V's Version

I have every reason to be - and almost always am - gloriously happy. I live a charmed life full of beautiful reflections and deep connections. I have a family that I adore and a gorgeous home worth coming home to and a lush garden made from plant clippings and roadside seed pods. I get to home school and eat local produce. I fully realize the tiny minority of people who can say that. I do not forget it for one moment. But I have been thinking.



Maybe my health keeps me in the real world. I live in such daily constant pain (eyes, mouth, lungs...) that I have to be really HERE. I can't float away in my happiness. I am constantly reminded of how fragile our bodies are. I am constantly reminded that I am LUCKY to have a team of doctors - to have the option of prosthetics and surgery and another month of antibiotics. I am LUCKY to have the tools to fight depression and alcoholism and drug addiction.



I distract myself when I am in pain. I flit from one project to the next when I cannot concentrate. I get a lot done sometimes - even if it isn't linear. Even if it isn't anything that could translate into "a job". But for me - doing things keeps me going. Don't get me wrong - I have learned to rest (at the insistence of Dani who takes up all the slack for the things I don't get done.) But even when resting - I am resting so that I will be well enough to do the next thing.


This summer I was an Amazon. I worked with the hardest working group of heavy weights that I have ever had the privilege to sit in a crew circle with (Inventory.) I also worked with the stunning example of calm in the face of controlled chaos (Sprouts) who had 80 children age 4 and under in our capable care. I also worked Raffle for what I think will be my final year. I am over it. I will let someone else take up the torch because it is just too exhausting.



What an honor it was to work my butt off to help manifest Lisa Vogel's vision of "Power to the Pussy"! Along with the entire Pussy Posse, we created a 70-foot satin vaginal canal with a spectacular Vulva Opening into the Night Stage bowl. It was a LOT of work and even more tulle and safety pins. Oh how I wish I could have seen the canal packed with women as it poured rain and the pink, red, maroon and brown canal walls flapped in the storm! I heard it was a hot date spot!


Now that I am home I have to remember those reflections of my Amazon self. I have to battle the pneumonia and figure out how to fix the prosthetic lens that cut into my left eye (ouch). I have to continue to see myself as that strong and smiling woman that people meet on the path - even when it is only me as I meet Pk in the kitchen for a spelling lesson.

These words are written for myself - so that I will not let my pain isolate me. They are written for you - in hopes that you take your pain and use it - somehow - to make the world a better place.