Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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V's Version Has Moved in with A Lot of Life!I am trying out my new web site so I hope you'll come visit by clicking
alotoflife.com or copy and paste
http://www.alotoflife.com/alotoflife/Home.html
into the web browser and then hitting the HOME button !
Please bookmark the new site for the future.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Transparent World
I am just feeling vulnerable and tired and somewhat defeated. Well - not defeated - but kicked down. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was to get the news yesterday. I have battled cancer and PNP and pneumonia and sinus infections, strange rashes, corneal damage, headaches, pulmonary problems and various other infections. I have been so sick for so long. There are some periods of glorious remission and of laughter and fun and going about business as usual but I am never (in my own thoughts) far from the reality of struggle.
I mourn the ease of taking a nap, the simple joy of smelling the forest, the ability to cry tears. I mourn the taste of chocolate and sweet potatoes and the smell of coffee and oranges. I wish I could forget pain for a day - for an hour - for 15 minutes. I wish I could live a life without a bottle around my neck, without having to carry my medical cards with me everywhere - just in case. I wish I didn't know the first names of each of my eight specialists and surgeons and that they didn't know mine. I wish the Cinderella story had ended in Hawaii in 2006 with "..and they lived happily ever after."
OK - I suppose that last one is mostly true. But any married person knows that the word "happily" must, by definition, include "happy to make it through some of the rough times" right along with the joy and contentment that the fairy tales promised.
I wish my health struggle / saga was tidy. Done. Wrapped up. Easy. People who knew about or find out about the cancer often steer the story with the question, "But it's all in remission, now, right?" You have no idea how often I hear that. Everyone wants a happily ever after. And, yes, technically, that's true. I am very lucky and grateful to have a cancer that responds well to chemo and can easily be detected so that all I have to do is hit it with some chemo and it goes away again. I'm good on that front. If only that was all there was to deal with.
I distract myself with communication and service. That's how I deal. In addition to trying my best to be a good mother and wife, I do my part at church and I am trying also to be a good citizen. I am currently addicted to
change.gov where I check for daily updated posts and videos on the transition to an Obama presidency. I am fascinated by the transparency. We really do hold the world in our hands. I'm glad to be able to see it so clearly.
Meanwhile, the interactive
live piracy map shows that my father's ship is threading through an area that has seen over 50 pirate attacks in recent weeks - most notably the one yesterday that was worth $100 million in oil. The desperate pirates are getting more bold and are taking on bigger and bigger ships. As the world gets smaller and more transparent, the things to worry about are easier to see.
And speaking of transparency - so many of you have told me how much you appreciate mine. I want to thank you for hanging in there with me. I want to thank you for the well wishes and the prayers and the kind words. I want to thank you who come here for the first time for reaching out. I am not always so good at getting back to people but your efforts do not go unnoticed.
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Labels: cancer, gratitude, hope, immune, lymphoma, optomistic, Paraneoplastic Pemphigus, pirates, PNP, purple, support system, women
Monday, November 17, 2008
What I like about twitter is that it only gives me 140 characters to say something meaningful.
Today I wrote (in exactly 140 characters):
I can not believe that the cells are pre-cancerous and that I have to endure MORE pain, MORE forms, MORE doctors. I really am stunned. Fuck.
(Sorry if you aren't a fan of swearing. I don't usually swear but I am SO over all of this. I want to be done, done, done.)
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Labels: cancer, cancer survivor, cervical cancer, lesbian family life, twitter
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Our new administration asked us to tell our stories on Change.gov - so I did. You can too. Welcome and Congratulations President Obama and Vice President Biden. Along with the majority of Americans, I am relieved and proud and grateful that you are on your way to Washington.
I am one of the only known survivors of a rare skin-blistering disease with underlying cancer so I know a little bit about over-coming adversity and how it inspires people and what pressure it is to be that inspiration. I also know what it is like to wage a massive financial campaign (as one of my medicines - gamma globulin - is $10,000 a day.)
I was telling my father (a life-long seaman currently serving on the USNS Laramie) about how we all campaigned here at home. My wife and son and I in California making calls in Colorado and New Mexico, my cousin in Chicago, an aunt who drove from Maine to Pennsylvania and my cousins in Atlanta. They were little brown boys going door to door to register people to vote with their mother. The youngest one didn't always get it right and said, "Have you registered for Obama?"
That little cousin's grandfather (my uncle Billy) was the Best Man at John & Cindy McCain's wedding and I am betting that maybe even he voted for you - being a progressive Republican.
We all share in your - our - victory.
You have such a road ahead of you and we promise to help in what ever ways we can to make this a better country. We see the big picture and what is at stake. We know that there must be priorities. So when I tell you the following vision, I realize that it is only part of the whole picture.
My wife, Dani and I want the following agenda to become a reality in our lifetimes. And if not in ours, then in our son's. We are urging you to do what ever you can possibly do to help us in this effort. Please remember the words of Abraham Lincoln:
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves."
And, to paraphrase Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.:
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by those who perpetrate it but the silence over that by the people who don't."
You may count on me to be part of your agenda for our country and it is with great sincerity and hope that I ask you to be a part of ours.
With the greatest admiration and gratitude for your service,
V Kingsley and Danielle Hope
The Real Gay Agenda:1. Freedom from discrimination in housing and employment in all 50 states.
2. The right to visit our partners in the hospital and to take family leave.
3. The right of gay youth to grow up free from intimidation, bullying and violence.
4. The right to serve openly and proudly in the United States military.
5. The right to obtain health care benefits, pensions and Social Security through our partners and spouses
6. The right not to lose custody of our children merely because we are gay and the right to adopt.
7. Immigration rights for foreign partners and spouses of gay Americans.
8. Inheritance rights for our partners and spouses.
9. The right to marry.
10. Equality and respect for all individuals and their families.
(This list was compiled by two married lesbians in West Hollywood, CA who give permission to reprint in it's entirety for the purposes of furthering this agenda.)
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Labels: change government share stories obama biden vision gay agenda gblt lesbian family equal rights equality marriage marry
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
My 43rd Birthday
It was, as many of you know, my birthday today. I would have to check my diaries to be sure - but I think it was the saddest birthday I have ever had. Not for lack of love or attention or well-wishes though. People - and my family especially - are incredibly generous and kind. But toxic sadness doesn't always make sense and is just too much to crawl from under even if it is my birthday. I ran on adreniline and pain meds and distraction and giving after the surgery and I just hit a wall today. I am in wicked pain. I cannot smell or taste. I guess it is to be expected but added to the blindness factor -it's a little much to take and makes me cry without warning yet I cannot make tears no matter how hard I cry. Incredibly frustrating. I had a personal disappointment that took me by surprise today and I am deeply troubled by the passing of Proposition 8 and how the fall-out is playing people against each other.
I also had a technical set-back on my new web site this morning. That was just frustrating and disappointing after all the hours of work I have put into the project. The combination of all those things was too much to overcome. It's not really a big deal in the big picture. I know that.
In the big picture - my world is easy. I am lucky. I have a family who loves me and friends who are a splendid reflection of my best self. Many friends and family wrote or called or sent a card. Dani spoiled me in little ways today, Pk made me a cake, I was able to speak with both my sisters and my father (who is on a US Merchant ship that was one of several ships involved with
Somali pirates in the last two days! The Filipino hostages - thankfully - were freed today.)
It's not like I am blind all the time and if I want tears, I can just pour them in from a bottle. The pain will eventually go away and I might get back my sense of taste and smell. Things could be a LOT worse! My life is easy and safe and my problems are the problems anyone might want to have. Even though I know this with all my heart, I spent the better part of the day talking like Eyore and crying pitifully and uncontrollably. Gratitude is a very good antidote for depression but I guess it doesn't always clear it up on contact.
Here is my Dad's ship. He is in a rough part of the world and I worry for him - even if he is on one of the safest vessels. It's a crazy world.
My Dad is a baker on the seas with pirates.
Wish him luck.
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Labels: depression pity bereft somali pirates gratitude
National Protest Against Proposition 8 - November 15
This is in every city and town in the country - at 1:30 EST and 10:30 PST
We need everyone to take a stance for equal rights.
Labels: national protest against prop proposition 8 join the imact jointheimpact gblti gblt gay lesbian equal equality rights discrimination rally no
Monday, November 10, 2008
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Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
No one is free while others are oppressed.
The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain
until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life.
- Jane Addams
President Barack Obama:
What a night.
What a moment in history.
Equal Rights for All:
Gone.
To paraphrase Martin Luther King Jr:
"The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by those
who perpetrate it but the silence over that by the people who don't."
I woke up this morning and sobbed. My chest racked with sobs as I realized the enormity of the hypocrisy that happened in voting booths yesterday in California. Even though we celebrated with throngs of people last night in a victory of epic proportions, this morning held a different story. Dani and I held each other in bed, crying and mourning the reality that people who were inspired by and truly seemed to believe the phrase, "Yes we can!" voted in stunning numbers to say, "No you can't!" They banned the right to marry by passing Proposition 8. That right had already been decided by the state supreme court and people voted to eliminate it - thereby singling out one group of people for unequal treatment.
Both races show us that money can - and does - change the course of an election. I'm grateful for all the $5 and $50 donations to Barack Obama's campaign and I am so sad that the Mormons just had more money to spend in California than we did. Liberal and fair-minded people believed the negative and deceptive ads bought by the Mormons and the Catholics. California Democrats were busy and energized (and somewhat distracted toward) the Obama campaign and just didn't focus forces to get information out to people about Proposition 8. I am one of those people and I am not proud of it.
My great elation and hope at a new President and a Democratic majority in the Senate is marred by deep sadness for a battle that appears to be lost - a battle that will have terrible consequences in the years to come for equal rights under the law for all people.
The best article that reflects my sentiments so far is
here. I am sure there will be further analysis. I can only hope that we will be able to challenge this proposition in court - not only for the sake of equality for all but also for our democracy itself. Believe me - if the emancipation proclamation or Brown vs. the Board of Education or
any of the dozens of Supreme court cases that ultimately lead to equal rights for people of color had been put up to a popular vote just after each decision was made, we would not have elected Mr. Barack Obama last night.
"Equal rights for all, special privileges for none. " - Thomas Jefferson
I personally blame myself for the loss of this battle. There was so much more I could have done. I should have written this letter and sent it three days ago. I regret that I didn't. Our house was egged, our car was egged, dozens of our "No on Prop 8" signs were stolen or defaced - from our own yard. During the course of this campaign, I was booed and given the finger on many occasions. I was called "sick" and "wrong", "faggot" and dyke" (2 out of 4- not bad). One woman told me that I might as well be allowed to marry a horse. People gave me many thumbs down, they waved their "Yes on 8" bumper stickers out of their car window in traffic. They hung up on me and they told me that they were afraid that gayness was going to become part of the school curriculum. I knew it was going to be close. And I wish I had done more. I wish you had done more.
My only hope is that we might be entering an age of possibility. We might be able, as a nation, to see that none of us is free until we all are free. I don't care if you call it marriage or civil union or domestic partnership, I have a dream that one day we will be able to become a family, not based on the gender of the person we love but on the commitment we share. When we can all have hospital visitation rights, when we can all easily commit our love and change our family names, when we can be covered as a family on insurance policies, when we can all share the responsibilities of parenthood and home ownership and social security benefits without having to jump through expensive legal hoops available to only some, then - and only then - will we be truly be free at last, free at last - thank the spirit of a people - free at last.
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
~Abraham Lincoln
Where do you stand? How will you move forward?
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Labels: No on Proposition 8 ethics politics religion lesbian family values freedom equality hypocrisy free oppression battle California marriage marry civil unions
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Vote as early as possible!We want everyone to vote - no matter how long it takes. Even if you think you know who is going to win - get out and vote! This election could be (I hope WILL be) the mandate our elected officials need to hear the will of the people. Dani and I have just come home from phone bank campaigning for Obama in Colorado. (I have to say that I really didn't want to go. I was cranky and it was pouring rain and I was blowing blood out of my nose. I wanted to stay in bed. Luckily - Dani dragged me out and we got to participate in democracy.)
There are people who are being turned away from the polls there after waiting in line to vote EARLY. I don't say this to scare folks or to keep people away from their polling places. I am just saying that we should all be prepared to wait a little bit (or a lot) on Tuesday. We should try to get to the polls as early as possible. Know
your state's voter laws and give your employer notice TODAY if you think it will take you exta time to vote.
Here is the California law (as an example) but every state is different.
CALIFORNIA
- Time: Employees must be given sufficient time off to enable them to vote at either the beginning or end of the shift, unless otherwise agreed upon by the employer and employee. Employees must make an application for time off at least two work days before the election if they know or should have known that extra time would be needed. Employers must post a conspicuous notice of any statewide election, along with a list of employee's rights and duties, at least ten days before the election.
- Pay: Employers are required to pay employees normal wages for the time off for up to two hours.
- Penalty: An employer who does not comply with California law may be fined an amount not exceeding $1,000 or face imprisonment for sixteen months or two to three years.
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Labels: vote voter laws employer state time delay presidential election november 4 2008 polls expect employee notice political involvement people get out rock turnout
My Voting Record
(for what it's worth)
1984 Election - Jesse Jackson in the primaries, Mondale / Ferrarro in election
1988 Election - Jesse Jackson in the primaries, Dukakis / Bensten in election
1992 Election - Jerry Brown in the primaries, Clinton / Gore in election
1996 Election - Clinton / Gore in both primary and election (worked for the campaign)
2000 Election - Nader in primary and Gore / Lieberman in election
2004 Election - Edwards in primary and Kerry / Edwards in election
2008 Election - Clinton in primary and Obama / Biden in election
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My Dad is a baker on the seas with pirates.
